I'll become even more undignified than this

I can't remember the exact verse, but it seems to be one everyone knows. It's in almost every song. "Though weeping may last for the night, joy comes with the morning".

If you had told me this even a few weeks ago I might have slapped you. "How long is the night?" and "What does the morning concept mean?"

Let me give you some background.

 I am a missionary kid, an MK, a third culture kid, a TCK, and overall, a young woman of God. A Jesus Freak. That's who I am.
But a lot has happened to make me who I am .I moved to Uganda, a small country in East Africa, when I was ten years old. I had some amazing--and not so amazing--times there, and overall I loved it. July 2012 I packed up and moved back to the US, my passport culture, to come to college at Pacific Lutheran University.
Leaving Uganda felt like dying. And coming back to life in a bizarre new world.
This was the second time I had left a "home". The second time that I had said all of my goodbyes. And it was not easy.
The last two years have not been easy. 2 years ago in February I got sick with three tropical illnesses. I lost my dog--my one stable companion--followed by two bunny rabbits. I injured my foot and spent ten weeks on crutches.
Let me say now that I struggle with anxiety and depression disorders. Yeah, those got pretty bad at around the same time.
But I bandaged myself together, with a lot of love and help, and I got through. I got accepted to PLU and I finished my International Baccalaureate diploma program and passed with flying colors. For those of you who don't know IB, let's just say it's not an easy thing.
This brings us to July, when I hopped on an airplane and flew back to the US.
Goodbyes are not easy. They are not meant to be easy. But I said a lot of them. With a very broken yet excited heart I started school at PLU. So far it has been a roller coaster ride. Transitioning to a new culture, even if it is my passport culture, is not easy. It means a lot of mistakes, a lot of "oops, I didn't know I should/shouldn't say that."
And it brings about a lot of heart ache.
From personal to relationship issues, the last months have been hard. And that's an understatement.

So why the title? Obviously I'm not going to depress you all the time. Because joy does come.
I am finding myself at the foot of the Cross, looking into God's eyes and asking Him to show me where to go. And you know what he says? Follow me. For I know the plans I have for you.

There is light at the end of the tunnel. My church is may hire me on as a youth minister and giving me an apartment in the church. I am really excited about this. It's like a glimmer of hope.
I have great friends who love me, and whom I love. My parents are behind me all the way.

Joy comes in the morning.

But it's more complicated than that. Let me explain the mourning aspect.

In July I went to a Missionary Kid re-entry seminar. They talked to us there about grief. About grieving our homes, and all that is lost in a transition.
And it is grief. It is a time of mourning. I am still mourning what I have lost. But the more I mourn, the more I realize that there is joy on the other side. Joy comes with the mourning.

And so here I am. I hope to be a youth leader soon. I am an anthropology major, and I hope to continue with that.

I was sitting outside in the rare Pacific Northwest sunshine today playing guitar, and I wanted to write. So I'm writing. And I will keep writing. My hope is that this blog will allow me to write about the ups and downs, the joy and the mourning, the night and the morning.

By the way, I have an old blog where I wrote a lot of deep reflections on Uganda. You can find that at ugandamkstyle.blogspot.com and I will write in this blog about Uganda, but the main focus of this one is the journey.

Care to follow my journey as I mourn and celebrate? A verse comes to mind. David re-enters Jerusalem dancing with the tabernacle after tragedies in retrieving it. When questioned, he states "I will be even more undignified than this." And that's my story right now. I am mourning, but I am celebrating. I am close to God, and so I dance. I dance with my words and with my guitar. and I will become even more undignified than this. Some may say it's foolishness but I'll become even more undignified than this.

Feel free to follow me!
Alyssa