Godrenaline Junkie

“God loves us just as much when we are doing normal, boring things as opposed to having a great adventure”.

I wish that I could say that I believed that, but I don’t know.

As a Missionary Kid, life was always an adventure. I never had to depend on God for the small things, because nothing felt small. While my friends in the US had the stomach flu, I had a trio of typhoid, another parasite, and a staph infection that made me septic.

I guess I got used to the big things. I got used to depending on God for all money, because without Him, we wouldn’t have donors, and without donors, we wouldn’t have any money.

It was like a crazy roller-coaster-bungee-jump-rafting adventure. There is so much adrenaline when you are dealing with perilous traffic and political instability and sickness that life never feels dull.

After finishing up my time as an overseas MK, my adrenaline craze continued.

I returned to the US, which was a massive transition. I learned a whole country again—well, at least I learned some things.

After my crazy freshman year, I jumped into the fire head first again: I became a youth leader at a struggling church. Once again, I depended on ministry for money, and for excitement. I found myself an my knees constantly again, because the ministry demanded it.

That’s great—until it’s a problem.

When you constantly get used to the idea that life is an adventure, it makes it hard to think of life as anything but that. So, when life starts to settle down, it’s depressing.

I don’t know how to find God in things that aren’t threatening me, or at least giving a massive sense of need. I don’t know what to say to God when I don’t feel like anything I’m doing is important, or like He should care about it.

If life is only about insane adventures, the adrenaline becomes like a drug. I find that I get used to it, that I need more and more of it in order to feel like I have something worthwhile. I hope that I don’t have to live insanely in order to be worth something, but I don’t know if I trust that.

It’s something I need to work on. Life isn’t just about the crazy things. It’s easy to forget that though. After all, I have to wonder if I’m only as good as the next grand adventure. Without that, I don’t know how to find worth in my life.