A Revolution in my head: The most honest blog post I have ever written

Close your eyes and take my hand
Throw out what the teacher said
The revolution's in my head
The revolution's in my head
Raise the mast and set your sails

Just say when,
Just say when,
Just say when,
Just say when,
Go!

I've got a fever that I can't control
I'm knee-deep and I don't even know my name
I forgot about it.
I'm on fire, I'm a burning coal,
We can't fight it 'cause we never sold the flame,
Not for love or money.

Close your eyes and take my hand
Silenced by the driving sound
The revolution's in my head
The revolution's in my head
Raise your fist, and stand your ground
Go!

"Revo"--Walk Off the Earth

So this may be the most honest blog post I have ever written. Ready?

So am I.

I have four anxiety disorders, Major Depression, and I just learned two days ago that I have ADD.

Do you see me any differently?

I kind of see myself differently. I see my spaciness and intense focus and lack of ability to concentrate as having a reason. I see my nervousness as having a reason.

See, my psychiatrist explained it to me as these things that we now call “disorders” as having been selected-for traits in human evolution, when we were “desert for predators”.  I would have been one of the lucky few who survived.

Yes, I am different from a lot of people. But I am also the same as a lot of people. I am part of a special, quirky community. I’m not exactly normal, but I don’t want to be. My orders (note that I say orders, not disorders) cause me to be more loving, more passionate, and just special.

I used to see the anxiety and depression as weaknesses. I refuse to see them that way again.

I'm not going to lie, it's hard. Sometimes I get discouraged. But that's half the battle.

There’s a revolution in my head. And that’s ok. Because I love being different. 

I want to end on a high note. Just to expand on the biology, there’s a concept known as “emergent properties”. This means that the whole is greater than the sum of all of its parts. We have special things in us that make us who we are, but we are so much more. God’s Spirit makes me His child, and I am happy with who I am.

So I’ve got a few lemons, a few limes, and the Spirit of Christ to make it a little less bitter.

I’m different. So are you. Will you accept that about yourself, or hide your light under a bushel?

What we are... Third Culture Kids

We are neither lines nor circles

We are neither curves nor sticks

We are neither this nor that

We are the definition of both and

We are never settled nor at rest

We are never stuck nor attached

We are never forgotten nor forgetting

We are always longing and missing

We are never normal nor definable

We are never shocked by the bizarre or unusual

We are never understandable or shrinkable

We are break every mould you attempt to place us in

We are longing

We are looking

We are thinking

We are dreaming

We are confused

We are confusing

We are at peace

We are peacemakers

We have the world's closest friends

We have friends eleven thousand miles away

We are a network

We are a loving community

We are Third Culture Kids. And we are proud.

Dear Evangelicals--Re: The Jesus I want to know

Dear Evangelicals,
Let me start with admitting that I was listening to country music. I know, it's not by a Christian so it's not necessarily approved. But here are some lyrics I came across.
"Even though I hate to admit it

Sometimes I smoke cigarettes
Christian folks say I should quit it
I just smile and say, "God bless"

'Cause I heard Jesus, He drank wine
I bet we'd get along just fine
He could calm a storm and heal the blind

And I bet He'd understand a heart like mine"

As Christians, we are all too quick to judge, to condemn. This applies to Uganda as well as the US. I hope you will take time to consider what Jesus really calls us to. Let me give you some background.

I grew up in Uganda under the influence of the evangelical church spurred on by the East African revival. I can still recite the list of "don'ts".

Don't dance.

Don't smoke.

Don't have sex.

Don't drink.

Don't wear jeans.

Don't show skin.

Don't listen to music that is not praise music.

Don't date unless you want to marry the man.

I remember that the thing that I struggled with the most in Uganda was the hypocrisy that accompanied the list of "don'ts". Don't drink wine--but getting drunk on fermented millet at a wedding party was fine. Don't have sex--but if you have a cultural wedding you don't need a church wedding to live together.

I feel like Jesus had one very big don't. "Don't be a hypocrite". Whatever happened to "He who is without sin cast the first stone?" Did you notice how none of the Pharisees cast a stone. 

I feel like, the list of don'ts is a big turn off from Christianity, even in the US. I don't want to know the Jesus who sits on his butt and condemns you for having a glass of wine. I don't want to know the Jesus who stands there and strikes you with a lightning bolt for adultery.

Am I concerning you, Evangelicals? I hope so, because I want you to know about the Jesus that I want to know.

This Jesus cried a tear for every lost soul. 

This Jesus allowed a prostitute to anoint him with expensive oil.

This Jesus changed water into wine.

This Jesus was radical.

This Jesus loved.

This Jesus died for our broken world--never expecting perfection from us. What's the line in the Bible again? Oh yeah, a doctor comes not for the well but for the sick. 

That's the Jesus that I want to know.

So, there's my position. 

In Christ's love,

Alyssa

P.S.--this is not meant to condemn. That would just make me a hypocrite. This is meant to provoke thought on who we are really following. We follow the God of love, not the God of condemnation. I hope that this will only offend in the sense that it causes you to want to radically follow a radical Jesus.